As I slowly glide in my car into parking outside (always giving the bumper a slight bang against the tree), I am welcomed by my house that has been my home for the past 1 year since I started working in Delhi as a 'sales' man. Through the gates I march in, making sure I close the gate properly else the 'Grand Man' of the house will have a cow of the number of dogs sneaking in.
Its close to 9pm in the evening after one of those days when your boss doesnt ask you to stay back but you just do because you know he will feel better if you do. Dinner, has been laid on the table with the ol'Grandmother and Grandfather debating on which show to watch, (nothing new about that) but something is not right, my chair has been taken ! I had no information of having peopple over for dinner and nobody really comes to this house for the food, then what was the case ?
Narrowing my eyes with curiousity and some disgust, I approach closer and closer but before I can even apprehend my culprit, I am suddenly greeted by this unwanted customer with a tight hug ! Well, sure Im a lovable guy who likes hugs from the odd female but this was ridiculous really. Once the culprit is caught, its a usually a slap that takes them directly to the CID office this was not in the script !
Letting go of this solid embrace, I give a quizzical stare at my grandparents who couldnt care less with their eyes on the idiot box and I have a good look at this fiend, this rogue, this impostor. I was even half afraid that my grandparents had mistaken this person for me and had fed him dinner ! With a height as much as mine, lean figure, skin tight clothes, gelled hair (a little thin though), clean shaven and a silly smile on his face, I had just met my cousin for the first time.
Its surprising how you get through a quarter of your life without even knowing that you have cousins existing in all corners of the world that you are yet to meet. This one was from the city of Joy, Kolkata and had come to Delhi to work for a Tour and Travel frim. Supposedly, this firm organises tours for rich and snobby French Tourists who with their thrill and gusto for experiencing the Orient. India is one of those destinations to visit for them as they bring over their enormous rucksacks and Guide Books and this firm helps them by organising their escapades into the land of Tigers, Tantriks and Tendulkar. So all my cousin has to do is, look up touristic locations, study them and propose them to the top management and he his daily bread is made.
Well, you must be wondering whats so 'cute' about him then ? Since 'he' is not a 'she' and 'I' am not a 'Bi', why the false adjective ? Well I say so because of a trait I found in him, a very deep connection with his hidden estrogen. They say behind every man is a woman, I think in this case, she just piggybacked on to him.
Now before the critics begin to boo,hate,spit,shout and tweet about my so-called outlook of things, might I add, it was something I really take joy with no selfish motive in knowing, observing and sometimes 'absorbing' and as every brother loves his brother, I love him too.
Now that you critics have shut up, might I add, he has this affinity to finding anything and everything as superstitious too. His love for fighting the evil spirits makes him a well deserving candidate for the Medal of Honor but for now he was happy just collecting all of his good luck charms. From travelling the entire length of the city to collect one rock that he could hang around his neck to avoiding paths that have been cut across by cats, (Be it any colour, he too had a dream...) he always had something up his skin tight sleeve.
But what amuses me the most are his long stares at my forehead as he scans it from left to right asking the same question over and over again, "Where do you get your eyebrows done ? Mine are so hard after I come from the boutique, you know when you shave your chest, yeah exactly like that". He never believes me when I tell him I do neither of those but he goes ahead and accuses me of being a liar and goes and complains to my Grandmother about it ! And she has one line prepared for it:
"Na puttar na, jhoot nahi bolte, bata de raje nu, phir saath mein jaana"
(Dont lie to him son, tell the sweetheart and then the both of you can go together.)
There was even once an incident when he made me sing out "To the Moon and back" during a Karaoke night at a pub. At the end of the song, even the crickets wanted the last 5 minutes of their life back. I was never allowed in that pub ever again. Being from Kolkata, he was able to converse well with my the home domestic servant or better known as my Grandmother's arch nemesis, Raju in Bengali and they would share a 'Didi' joke or two from time to time. Despite the friendly banter, at the end of the day, even Raju would have a word or two to say about him as he grinned and giggled.
My cousin dreams of tattooing his arm and sporting studs on his earlobes as he looks to defy his age (Its bad manners to speak it out) till his parents find him a suitable match. When sad, he sits by himself and sips his Breezer but when he is his jovial self, he shall talk of his famous Fashion Designer friends, his escapades in 'Cal' and ofcourse, my eyebrows.
There's more that I'll soon get to know about him and probably smile about. Im glad we finally met on that fateful night, sooner than later. Sometimes, you see people on the street, and sometimes they see you, with no words, no handshakes, no feelings, they walk past by you and you by them. Other times, its nice when they just come over and give you a hug.
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
The death of the blogger
Why should one write a long paragraph when one can get noticed by one single tweet ? From scraps to statuses to tweets, the blogger has been watching them come and go and watch himself sitting in a corner in a heap of long forgotten muses and incomplete articles. Its a shame, its a shame. Words are getting shorter and lives are getting longer. But who shall have the time to read ? I for one was never in the habit of reading but typing the odd word or two would be never that much of a pain.
Today the secret is out, the secret to a successful life is not to waste time thinking about it. Just do it. So why write ? You could type once, you could text once and now you just touch and the impossible happens. The human mind's lack of thought has come down to 5 seconds, his mind diverts from one point to the other, there is too much information and too little time. Updates, deadlines, PINGs and all those superfast things.
Little did one know that while we were caught up in this rat race.
All the cheese had been left behind.
Today the secret is out, the secret to a successful life is not to waste time thinking about it. Just do it. So why write ? You could type once, you could text once and now you just touch and the impossible happens. The human mind's lack of thought has come down to 5 seconds, his mind diverts from one point to the other, there is too much information and too little time. Updates, deadlines, PINGs and all those superfast things.
Little did one know that while we were caught up in this rat race.
All the cheese had been left behind.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Living Life Grand
As I stood in front of my house in Delhi, I ran through the points for the last time.
“This isn’t college anymore, which means, no watching late night TV, no long talks on the phone and especially, no more junk food. For the next few days you are going to live in the house of the people who have seen you take your first steps, have dropped you to school everyday, have fought with you for watching the news channel instead of cartoons, in other words, they have watched your every move.
Who are they? They are your grand parents.”
Let me start off with my Grand Dad, A civil engineer by profession and a Punjabi by nature, this ‘lad’ from Amritsar loves fish, long walks in the park and Rekha as Umrao Jaan! When asked about an ideal career, he says, “There are two types of people in this world, one who is an engineer and one who is not an engineer.” So you can guess how I ended up here. His day starts off with waking up at 5 o clock in the morning to go for his early morning walks. We really admire his will to stay fit at this age and would love for him to keep it up except for the fact that he takes us along with him as well! When night falls, at sharp 9 pm, he literally locks all the doors and windows of the house leaving no stone unturned. So while thieves are trying to break into my house, I’m trying to break out of it! Since thieves are unable to break into my house, they have their way of compensating. As a result, I’ve had 3 of my cars, 2 of my cycles and one flower pot stolen. Now, there are certain rules my Grand Dad has imposed that are to be followed :
Nobody is supposed to leave the room with a light, fan or TV ON or else he/she will be charged Re. 1 ( He would even turn the refrigerator off if he thought it was running for too long)
One must take a bath with only half a bucket of water. ( If he had his way, he would change it to a single mug)
No salt should be put in his food. ( It ends up not being in anybody’s food)
One cannot talk on the phone for more than 3 minutes. ( He was ready to remove the phone connection as he thought he had no need for it)
A notable feature about my Grand Dad is that he doesn’t hesitate cursing in public, be it on the carpenter, the painter, the plumber, the electrician or even the President. If it hadn’t been for him, I would never have improved my vocabulary. Arguing with him is something that I always try to avoid, because winning an argument against him is like hoping for pigs to fly. So whenever he has a point to make or a statement to state, I just nod along, pretending to understand and agree with every word he has to say. A few days back, I had taken up the task to teach him how to use a mobile phone. After a month of training and losing half of the hair on my head, I learnt that you cant teach an old man new tricks and my Grand Dad learnt that life isn’t as easy as it used to be.
Then comes my Grand Mother. When one thinks about a Grand Mother, you usually have the image of a sweet old woman, sitting on her rocking chair, knitting sweaters for God knows whom. Well get that image out of your head because it’s nothing like that. I call my Grand Mother the female version of ‘Rambo’ with a duster in one hand and a rolling pin in the other. She has a strong belief that home-cooked food is the best and everything else is garbage. So going out for dinner is a complete no-no in this house. Never comes a day when there isn’t a fight between my Grand Mother and the servant. The worst mistake one can make is interfere between her quarrels because then you end up being shouted at. I wonder how my Grand Dad lived through all this for so many years. No wonder he likes taking walks so much ! And so I follow his footsteps literally and head out into the Sun while the storm gathers at home. The only time my Grand Mother leaves the house is when she has to go for her monthly Kitty Parties. It is the happiest day of the month, while she is off having fun with her ‘janaani’ friends discussing who is going to die in the next episode of Saas Bahu serial, the servant can sit at home and watch TV all day long, Grand Dad can read the newspaper peacefully at home and I can finally order food from outside.
This is a little about my Grandparents in a nutshell. Living with them is an adventure everyday and although sometimes I wish they were a little different, but I love them the way they are. Now I know why they are called ‘Grand’ Parents. God Bless them
“This isn’t college anymore, which means, no watching late night TV, no long talks on the phone and especially, no more junk food. For the next few days you are going to live in the house of the people who have seen you take your first steps, have dropped you to school everyday, have fought with you for watching the news channel instead of cartoons, in other words, they have watched your every move.
Who are they? They are your grand parents.”
Let me start off with my Grand Dad, A civil engineer by profession and a Punjabi by nature, this ‘lad’ from Amritsar loves fish, long walks in the park and Rekha as Umrao Jaan! When asked about an ideal career, he says, “There are two types of people in this world, one who is an engineer and one who is not an engineer.” So you can guess how I ended up here. His day starts off with waking up at 5 o clock in the morning to go for his early morning walks. We really admire his will to stay fit at this age and would love for him to keep it up except for the fact that he takes us along with him as well! When night falls, at sharp 9 pm, he literally locks all the doors and windows of the house leaving no stone unturned. So while thieves are trying to break into my house, I’m trying to break out of it! Since thieves are unable to break into my house, they have their way of compensating. As a result, I’ve had 3 of my cars, 2 of my cycles and one flower pot stolen. Now, there are certain rules my Grand Dad has imposed that are to be followed :
Nobody is supposed to leave the room with a light, fan or TV ON or else he/she will be charged Re. 1 ( He would even turn the refrigerator off if he thought it was running for too long)
One must take a bath with only half a bucket of water. ( If he had his way, he would change it to a single mug)
No salt should be put in his food. ( It ends up not being in anybody’s food)
One cannot talk on the phone for more than 3 minutes. ( He was ready to remove the phone connection as he thought he had no need for it)
A notable feature about my Grand Dad is that he doesn’t hesitate cursing in public, be it on the carpenter, the painter, the plumber, the electrician or even the President. If it hadn’t been for him, I would never have improved my vocabulary. Arguing with him is something that I always try to avoid, because winning an argument against him is like hoping for pigs to fly. So whenever he has a point to make or a statement to state, I just nod along, pretending to understand and agree with every word he has to say. A few days back, I had taken up the task to teach him how to use a mobile phone. After a month of training and losing half of the hair on my head, I learnt that you cant teach an old man new tricks and my Grand Dad learnt that life isn’t as easy as it used to be.
Then comes my Grand Mother. When one thinks about a Grand Mother, you usually have the image of a sweet old woman, sitting on her rocking chair, knitting sweaters for God knows whom. Well get that image out of your head because it’s nothing like that. I call my Grand Mother the female version of ‘Rambo’ with a duster in one hand and a rolling pin in the other. She has a strong belief that home-cooked food is the best and everything else is garbage. So going out for dinner is a complete no-no in this house. Never comes a day when there isn’t a fight between my Grand Mother and the servant. The worst mistake one can make is interfere between her quarrels because then you end up being shouted at. I wonder how my Grand Dad lived through all this for so many years. No wonder he likes taking walks so much ! And so I follow his footsteps literally and head out into the Sun while the storm gathers at home. The only time my Grand Mother leaves the house is when she has to go for her monthly Kitty Parties. It is the happiest day of the month, while she is off having fun with her ‘janaani’ friends discussing who is going to die in the next episode of Saas Bahu serial, the servant can sit at home and watch TV all day long, Grand Dad can read the newspaper peacefully at home and I can finally order food from outside.
This is a little about my Grandparents in a nutshell. Living with them is an adventure everyday and although sometimes I wish they were a little different, but I love them the way they are. Now I know why they are called ‘Grand’ Parents. God Bless them
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