As I slowly glide in my car into parking outside (always giving the bumper a slight bang against the tree), I am welcomed by my house that has been my home for the past 1 year since I started working in Delhi as a 'sales' man. Through the gates I march in, making sure I close the gate properly else the 'Grand Man' of the house will have a cow of the number of dogs sneaking in.
Its close to 9pm in the evening after one of those days when your boss doesnt ask you to stay back but you just do because you know he will feel better if you do. Dinner, has been laid on the table with the ol'Grandmother and Grandfather debating on which show to watch, (nothing new about that) but something is not right, my chair has been taken ! I had no information of having peopple over for dinner and nobody really comes to this house for the food, then what was the case ?
Narrowing my eyes with curiousity and some disgust, I approach closer and closer but before I can even apprehend my culprit, I am suddenly greeted by this unwanted customer with a tight hug ! Well, sure Im a lovable guy who likes hugs from the odd female but this was ridiculous really. Once the culprit is caught, its a usually a slap that takes them directly to the CID office this was not in the script !
Letting go of this solid embrace, I give a quizzical stare at my grandparents who couldnt care less with their eyes on the idiot box and I have a good look at this fiend, this rogue, this impostor. I was even half afraid that my grandparents had mistaken this person for me and had fed him dinner ! With a height as much as mine, lean figure, skin tight clothes, gelled hair (a little thin though), clean shaven and a silly smile on his face, I had just met my cousin for the first time.
Its surprising how you get through a quarter of your life without even knowing that you have cousins existing in all corners of the world that you are yet to meet. This one was from the city of Joy, Kolkata and had come to Delhi to work for a Tour and Travel frim. Supposedly, this firm organises tours for rich and snobby French Tourists who with their thrill and gusto for experiencing the Orient. India is one of those destinations to visit for them as they bring over their enormous rucksacks and Guide Books and this firm helps them by organising their escapades into the land of Tigers, Tantriks and Tendulkar. So all my cousin has to do is, look up touristic locations, study them and propose them to the top management and he his daily bread is made.
Well, you must be wondering whats so 'cute' about him then ? Since 'he' is not a 'she' and 'I' am not a 'Bi', why the false adjective ? Well I say so because of a trait I found in him, a very deep connection with his hidden estrogen. They say behind every man is a woman, I think in this case, she just piggybacked on to him.
Now before the critics begin to boo,hate,spit,shout and tweet about my so-called outlook of things, might I add, it was something I really take joy with no selfish motive in knowing, observing and sometimes 'absorbing' and as every brother loves his brother, I love him too.
Now that you critics have shut up, might I add, he has this affinity to finding anything and everything as superstitious too. His love for fighting the evil spirits makes him a well deserving candidate for the Medal of Honor but for now he was happy just collecting all of his good luck charms. From travelling the entire length of the city to collect one rock that he could hang around his neck to avoiding paths that have been cut across by cats, (Be it any colour, he too had a dream...) he always had something up his skin tight sleeve.
But what amuses me the most are his long stares at my forehead as he scans it from left to right asking the same question over and over again, "Where do you get your eyebrows done ? Mine are so hard after I come from the boutique, you know when you shave your chest, yeah exactly like that". He never believes me when I tell him I do neither of those but he goes ahead and accuses me of being a liar and goes and complains to my Grandmother about it ! And she has one line prepared for it:
"Na puttar na, jhoot nahi bolte, bata de raje nu, phir saath mein jaana"
(Dont lie to him son, tell the sweetheart and then the both of you can go together.)
There was even once an incident when he made me sing out "To the Moon and back" during a Karaoke night at a pub. At the end of the song, even the crickets wanted the last 5 minutes of their life back. I was never allowed in that pub ever again. Being from Kolkata, he was able to converse well with my the home domestic servant or better known as my Grandmother's arch nemesis, Raju in Bengali and they would share a 'Didi' joke or two from time to time. Despite the friendly banter, at the end of the day, even Raju would have a word or two to say about him as he grinned and giggled.
My cousin dreams of tattooing his arm and sporting studs on his earlobes as he looks to defy his age (Its bad manners to speak it out) till his parents find him a suitable match. When sad, he sits by himself and sips his Breezer but when he is his jovial self, he shall talk of his famous Fashion Designer friends, his escapades in 'Cal' and ofcourse, my eyebrows.
There's more that I'll soon get to know about him and probably smile about. Im glad we finally met on that fateful night, sooner than later. Sometimes, you see people on the street, and sometimes they see you, with no words, no handshakes, no feelings, they walk past by you and you by them. Other times, its nice when they just come over and give you a hug.
Showing posts with label grandparents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grandparents. Show all posts
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Friday, December 31, 2010
The kill joy
I am a kill joy, I don't have parties to attend and I am in no mood of creating parties of my own. I shall sit with my glass of whiskey and ring in the new year watching my life pass by right in front of me. Maybe a light read of fiction by my side and some nice music in the cold stale air of this December. I will not ride the streets nor will I be driven around like a chaperaun.
I like my silence and I love my life, but to celebrate events that hold no meaning to my life I care not of. So let the bubbly pop and let the glasses clink and let them forget their worries for this one night so that they may wake up again with the same worries and a headache to top it all.
Don't forget to put up the photos on facebook where your girlfriend is too disinterested to pose and your couch has somehow changed its entire colour. Where your back yard has been watered by your guests and your wall has found new designs drawn on them.
So yes, please do remember the new year and its memories, each one as vague as the last one.
I like my silence and I love my life, but to celebrate events that hold no meaning to my life I care not of. So let the bubbly pop and let the glasses clink and let them forget their worries for this one night so that they may wake up again with the same worries and a headache to top it all.
Don't forget to put up the photos on facebook where your girlfriend is too disinterested to pose and your couch has somehow changed its entire colour. Where your back yard has been watered by your guests and your wall has found new designs drawn on them.
So yes, please do remember the new year and its memories, each one as vague as the last one.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Living Life Grand - II
Here I am, with my bags in my hands, craning my neck up high to the walls of G-28, Saket, New Delhi. The shadows of the dark gate of my driveway look down upon me although with that blank yet haunting stare, they welcome me back to the lair of those two individuals who are black and white, yin and yang, grandfather and grandmother.
Although my parents are the ones who have the right to call me their son, I give an equal and privileged right to my grandparents too. Not only have they fed me and given me the same amount of pocket money, they have been my major source of entertainment in my life as well. No soap opera, comedy show or horror film matches up to these two. A few years back, I had paid them a tribute by writing about them and I had realized that they deserved a book of their own, but for now I just have another article about them. This time however, they are joined by their least favorite henchman, the side-kick, the minion, Raju, also called the servant boy of our house. Raju has had his own share of exploits, where sadly he has received the wrong end of the deal. One of them being, abandoning his city girlfriend to marry a village girl according to his families wishes only to realize on his wedding night that his wife was pregnant with somebody else’s child !
Sorry to say so but on hearing that story even my grumpy grandfather had let out a chuckle. Speaking of whom, Manohar Lal Talwar or he is cutely referred to as “Laal” by his better half, is the proud owner of this house. Although he does have a little problem with his memory from time to time, whenever he is asked about his younger days, he never forgets to mention this Russian girl he had met on a ship on his way from the USA to India. The girl had grown fond of him and had asked him to elope with her. He never really tends to remember the rest of that story or maybe he catches the eye of my Grandmother at that very instant staring down at him with a rolling pin in her hand. When it comes to the issue of food, you wouldn’t find a bigger critic than my grandfather. Dinner and lunch are the times of the day when my servant undergoes the Litmus test. Raju must remember that no food must be cooked with gravy and there should be no salt in his food. If he is to ever forget one of these principles, he would get a shouting which would sound something like:
“Yeh kaisi tari banayi hai ! Man karta hai ismein peshaab kardoon !” .
(What kind of gravy is this ? I feel like urinating in it !)
Trust me, worse things have come out of this man’s mouth.
There is only one woman in this world who can take all the words of my grandfather and mince them to zilch. She is Kamlesh Talwar or better known as ‘Tennu’. Why tennu ? Well whenever she is referred to by my grandfather, it comes out as:
“ Tennu ki lod hai bolan di” (What is the need for you to talk ?)
“ Tennu koi samajh nahi aandi” (Don’t you understand ?)
“Tennu chitti aayi hai ki bijli aane waali hai ?” (Did you get a letter saying that the electricity will return?)
Along with battling it out everyday with her better half, she also has to deal with the great Raju as well. Whenever a trip has to be made to buy some vegetables, storms rage in the kitchen to debate on the price of a pumpkin. Furthermore, my servant has a race against time to finish preparing the dinner before the beast’s belly starts to rumble which has my grandmother running after him to get done with the food on time. It is in times like these that I bring a solution by ordering a pizza and finishing the feud, even if it is only for a day. Now, when it comes to my grandmother’s daily source of entertainment, they include only two things, the first one being the late night bhajans on TV and the second one being the daily warfare with Raju. Once there came an incident that left the entire house in tatters. It was the day when a murder took plane only 4 houses away from ours. Surprisingly, Raju was considered as one of the suspects and was carried off to the police station for questioning. As soon as my grandmother realized this, tears welled up in her eyes. I considered that she would be fearing the worst for our domestic servant. Whether he was being interrogated under a 1,000 watt bulb or was he being laid on bare ice in chains. She did not wait for a verdict and called up the police station that very instant demanding to speak to our servant. I watched with pride at the philanthropist in front of me who although considered her servant as a menace, still cared about him. Much to her dismay, she was not being allowed to speak to Raju, it was then that I heard her plea to the police for releasing the innocent, noble and blameless servant of ours. It went something like this:
“I don’t care if he has killed a man or even the Prime Minister, who do you think is going to cook my dinner? Are you doing to do it? He has a family to feed here! Find me a servant who can cook dinner for me and then you can do whatever you want with him!”
With a pale and shocked expression I saw her hang up the phone and I don’t know what it was in her voice, but in less than 15 minutes, Raju was brought back from the police station. He didn’t seem to be too happy about it though, I think he preferred the prison cells better than this
Every year as the winter approaches, I see my grandfather get a hold of all the clothes in his closet and put them on. He hates the winters as much as he hates channels ‘Sanskaar’ and ‘Aastha’. It is during these times, he makes the plan of going to Goa’s sandy beaches with the crashing waves, countless shells and I’m pretty sure the bikini babes as well. Unfortunately, my grandmother always shuns the idea with the same one line “Who do you think is going to handle the house?”
I think once I’m done with my grueling days in college, I’ll make some arrangements for them and take them to Goa with me. I can even imagine my grandfather over there, running into that Russian girl, although an old woman now and my grandmother chasing him with a rolling pin as they run across the beach like Baywatch beautys!
It is only with them will I learn to live life grand. Cheers to them.
Although my parents are the ones who have the right to call me their son, I give an equal and privileged right to my grandparents too. Not only have they fed me and given me the same amount of pocket money, they have been my major source of entertainment in my life as well. No soap opera, comedy show or horror film matches up to these two. A few years back, I had paid them a tribute by writing about them and I had realized that they deserved a book of their own, but for now I just have another article about them. This time however, they are joined by their least favorite henchman, the side-kick, the minion, Raju, also called the servant boy of our house. Raju has had his own share of exploits, where sadly he has received the wrong end of the deal. One of them being, abandoning his city girlfriend to marry a village girl according to his families wishes only to realize on his wedding night that his wife was pregnant with somebody else’s child !
Sorry to say so but on hearing that story even my grumpy grandfather had let out a chuckle. Speaking of whom, Manohar Lal Talwar or he is cutely referred to as “Laal” by his better half, is the proud owner of this house. Although he does have a little problem with his memory from time to time, whenever he is asked about his younger days, he never forgets to mention this Russian girl he had met on a ship on his way from the USA to India. The girl had grown fond of him and had asked him to elope with her. He never really tends to remember the rest of that story or maybe he catches the eye of my Grandmother at that very instant staring down at him with a rolling pin in her hand. When it comes to the issue of food, you wouldn’t find a bigger critic than my grandfather. Dinner and lunch are the times of the day when my servant undergoes the Litmus test. Raju must remember that no food must be cooked with gravy and there should be no salt in his food. If he is to ever forget one of these principles, he would get a shouting which would sound something like:
“Yeh kaisi tari banayi hai ! Man karta hai ismein peshaab kardoon !” .
(What kind of gravy is this ? I feel like urinating in it !)
Trust me, worse things have come out of this man’s mouth.
There is only one woman in this world who can take all the words of my grandfather and mince them to zilch. She is Kamlesh Talwar or better known as ‘Tennu’. Why tennu ? Well whenever she is referred to by my grandfather, it comes out as:
“ Tennu ki lod hai bolan di” (What is the need for you to talk ?)
“ Tennu koi samajh nahi aandi” (Don’t you understand ?)
“Tennu chitti aayi hai ki bijli aane waali hai ?” (Did you get a letter saying that the electricity will return?)
Along with battling it out everyday with her better half, she also has to deal with the great Raju as well. Whenever a trip has to be made to buy some vegetables, storms rage in the kitchen to debate on the price of a pumpkin. Furthermore, my servant has a race against time to finish preparing the dinner before the beast’s belly starts to rumble which has my grandmother running after him to get done with the food on time. It is in times like these that I bring a solution by ordering a pizza and finishing the feud, even if it is only for a day. Now, when it comes to my grandmother’s daily source of entertainment, they include only two things, the first one being the late night bhajans on TV and the second one being the daily warfare with Raju. Once there came an incident that left the entire house in tatters. It was the day when a murder took plane only 4 houses away from ours. Surprisingly, Raju was considered as one of the suspects and was carried off to the police station for questioning. As soon as my grandmother realized this, tears welled up in her eyes. I considered that she would be fearing the worst for our domestic servant. Whether he was being interrogated under a 1,000 watt bulb or was he being laid on bare ice in chains. She did not wait for a verdict and called up the police station that very instant demanding to speak to our servant. I watched with pride at the philanthropist in front of me who although considered her servant as a menace, still cared about him. Much to her dismay, she was not being allowed to speak to Raju, it was then that I heard her plea to the police for releasing the innocent, noble and blameless servant of ours. It went something like this:
“I don’t care if he has killed a man or even the Prime Minister, who do you think is going to cook my dinner? Are you doing to do it? He has a family to feed here! Find me a servant who can cook dinner for me and then you can do whatever you want with him!”
With a pale and shocked expression I saw her hang up the phone and I don’t know what it was in her voice, but in less than 15 minutes, Raju was brought back from the police station. He didn’t seem to be too happy about it though, I think he preferred the prison cells better than this
Every year as the winter approaches, I see my grandfather get a hold of all the clothes in his closet and put them on. He hates the winters as much as he hates channels ‘Sanskaar’ and ‘Aastha’. It is during these times, he makes the plan of going to Goa’s sandy beaches with the crashing waves, countless shells and I’m pretty sure the bikini babes as well. Unfortunately, my grandmother always shuns the idea with the same one line “Who do you think is going to handle the house?”
I think once I’m done with my grueling days in college, I’ll make some arrangements for them and take them to Goa with me. I can even imagine my grandfather over there, running into that Russian girl, although an old woman now and my grandmother chasing him with a rolling pin as they run across the beach like Baywatch beautys!
It is only with them will I learn to live life grand. Cheers to them.
Friday, April 16, 2010
I admit
I admit that i love mountains but I hate motion sickness...
I admit that i love chatting but I hate staying up late...
I admit that i love fear but I fear love...
I admit that i love cricket but I tremble at batting...
I admit that i love girls but I love six packs more...
I admit that i love sleeping but am an insomniatic
I admit that i love chatting but I hate staying up late...
I admit that i love fear but I fear love...
I admit that i love cricket but I tremble at batting...
I admit that i love girls but I love six packs more...
I admit that i love sleeping but am an insomniatic
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Living Life Grand
As I stood in front of my house in Delhi, I ran through the points for the last time.
“This isn’t college anymore, which means, no watching late night TV, no long talks on the phone and especially, no more junk food. For the next few days you are going to live in the house of the people who have seen you take your first steps, have dropped you to school everyday, have fought with you for watching the news channel instead of cartoons, in other words, they have watched your every move.
Who are they? They are your grand parents.”
Let me start off with my Grand Dad, A civil engineer by profession and a Punjabi by nature, this ‘lad’ from Amritsar loves fish, long walks in the park and Rekha as Umrao Jaan! When asked about an ideal career, he says, “There are two types of people in this world, one who is an engineer and one who is not an engineer.” So you can guess how I ended up here. His day starts off with waking up at 5 o clock in the morning to go for his early morning walks. We really admire his will to stay fit at this age and would love for him to keep it up except for the fact that he takes us along with him as well! When night falls, at sharp 9 pm, he literally locks all the doors and windows of the house leaving no stone unturned. So while thieves are trying to break into my house, I’m trying to break out of it! Since thieves are unable to break into my house, they have their way of compensating. As a result, I’ve had 3 of my cars, 2 of my cycles and one flower pot stolen. Now, there are certain rules my Grand Dad has imposed that are to be followed :
Nobody is supposed to leave the room with a light, fan or TV ON or else he/she will be charged Re. 1 ( He would even turn the refrigerator off if he thought it was running for too long)
One must take a bath with only half a bucket of water. ( If he had his way, he would change it to a single mug)
No salt should be put in his food. ( It ends up not being in anybody’s food)
One cannot talk on the phone for more than 3 minutes. ( He was ready to remove the phone connection as he thought he had no need for it)
A notable feature about my Grand Dad is that he doesn’t hesitate cursing in public, be it on the carpenter, the painter, the plumber, the electrician or even the President. If it hadn’t been for him, I would never have improved my vocabulary. Arguing with him is something that I always try to avoid, because winning an argument against him is like hoping for pigs to fly. So whenever he has a point to make or a statement to state, I just nod along, pretending to understand and agree with every word he has to say. A few days back, I had taken up the task to teach him how to use a mobile phone. After a month of training and losing half of the hair on my head, I learnt that you cant teach an old man new tricks and my Grand Dad learnt that life isn’t as easy as it used to be.
Then comes my Grand Mother. When one thinks about a Grand Mother, you usually have the image of a sweet old woman, sitting on her rocking chair, knitting sweaters for God knows whom. Well get that image out of your head because it’s nothing like that. I call my Grand Mother the female version of ‘Rambo’ with a duster in one hand and a rolling pin in the other. She has a strong belief that home-cooked food is the best and everything else is garbage. So going out for dinner is a complete no-no in this house. Never comes a day when there isn’t a fight between my Grand Mother and the servant. The worst mistake one can make is interfere between her quarrels because then you end up being shouted at. I wonder how my Grand Dad lived through all this for so many years. No wonder he likes taking walks so much ! And so I follow his footsteps literally and head out into the Sun while the storm gathers at home. The only time my Grand Mother leaves the house is when she has to go for her monthly Kitty Parties. It is the happiest day of the month, while she is off having fun with her ‘janaani’ friends discussing who is going to die in the next episode of Saas Bahu serial, the servant can sit at home and watch TV all day long, Grand Dad can read the newspaper peacefully at home and I can finally order food from outside.
This is a little about my Grandparents in a nutshell. Living with them is an adventure everyday and although sometimes I wish they were a little different, but I love them the way they are. Now I know why they are called ‘Grand’ Parents. God Bless them
“This isn’t college anymore, which means, no watching late night TV, no long talks on the phone and especially, no more junk food. For the next few days you are going to live in the house of the people who have seen you take your first steps, have dropped you to school everyday, have fought with you for watching the news channel instead of cartoons, in other words, they have watched your every move.
Who are they? They are your grand parents.”
Let me start off with my Grand Dad, A civil engineer by profession and a Punjabi by nature, this ‘lad’ from Amritsar loves fish, long walks in the park and Rekha as Umrao Jaan! When asked about an ideal career, he says, “There are two types of people in this world, one who is an engineer and one who is not an engineer.” So you can guess how I ended up here. His day starts off with waking up at 5 o clock in the morning to go for his early morning walks. We really admire his will to stay fit at this age and would love for him to keep it up except for the fact that he takes us along with him as well! When night falls, at sharp 9 pm, he literally locks all the doors and windows of the house leaving no stone unturned. So while thieves are trying to break into my house, I’m trying to break out of it! Since thieves are unable to break into my house, they have their way of compensating. As a result, I’ve had 3 of my cars, 2 of my cycles and one flower pot stolen. Now, there are certain rules my Grand Dad has imposed that are to be followed :
Nobody is supposed to leave the room with a light, fan or TV ON or else he/she will be charged Re. 1 ( He would even turn the refrigerator off if he thought it was running for too long)
One must take a bath with only half a bucket of water. ( If he had his way, he would change it to a single mug)
No salt should be put in his food. ( It ends up not being in anybody’s food)
One cannot talk on the phone for more than 3 minutes. ( He was ready to remove the phone connection as he thought he had no need for it)
A notable feature about my Grand Dad is that he doesn’t hesitate cursing in public, be it on the carpenter, the painter, the plumber, the electrician or even the President. If it hadn’t been for him, I would never have improved my vocabulary. Arguing with him is something that I always try to avoid, because winning an argument against him is like hoping for pigs to fly. So whenever he has a point to make or a statement to state, I just nod along, pretending to understand and agree with every word he has to say. A few days back, I had taken up the task to teach him how to use a mobile phone. After a month of training and losing half of the hair on my head, I learnt that you cant teach an old man new tricks and my Grand Dad learnt that life isn’t as easy as it used to be.
Then comes my Grand Mother. When one thinks about a Grand Mother, you usually have the image of a sweet old woman, sitting on her rocking chair, knitting sweaters for God knows whom. Well get that image out of your head because it’s nothing like that. I call my Grand Mother the female version of ‘Rambo’ with a duster in one hand and a rolling pin in the other. She has a strong belief that home-cooked food is the best and everything else is garbage. So going out for dinner is a complete no-no in this house. Never comes a day when there isn’t a fight between my Grand Mother and the servant. The worst mistake one can make is interfere between her quarrels because then you end up being shouted at. I wonder how my Grand Dad lived through all this for so many years. No wonder he likes taking walks so much ! And so I follow his footsteps literally and head out into the Sun while the storm gathers at home. The only time my Grand Mother leaves the house is when she has to go for her monthly Kitty Parties. It is the happiest day of the month, while she is off having fun with her ‘janaani’ friends discussing who is going to die in the next episode of Saas Bahu serial, the servant can sit at home and watch TV all day long, Grand Dad can read the newspaper peacefully at home and I can finally order food from outside.
This is a little about my Grandparents in a nutshell. Living with them is an adventure everyday and although sometimes I wish they were a little different, but I love them the way they are. Now I know why they are called ‘Grand’ Parents. God Bless them
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