Monday, November 26, 2007

You Know You're Right

Human nature, its something quite amazing to study, well actually anything is good enough to study as long as it isnt about bending moments and moments of inertia...

The best part being, this isnt something you find in books or dig up on wikipedia, its something one gains by having an insight in things that other people face or come across in life. Its all about looking at it from the other's point of view. I wont find people actually sitting down and talking why girls tend to look at guys less frequently than guys look at girls, or why going up to a girl and asking her for a dance/coffee/company is so hard. And what is the true reason behind finding every hot girl ending up with the worst of looking males.

One really doesn't bother in trying to figure out the other, it just proves to be a waste of time. That is exactly why shrinks are considered as nothing but phonies. Sorry to say this, but Freud did exist, sure there has been only ONE famous psychiatrist who has made history as big as MS Dhoni. But he had something that made the common man agree with him, that made the patient say, " Thank You Doctor, I acutally feel better"...

Avoiding anymore digressions, coming back to pondering on these questions, what happens then to the answers ? Or are these just rheotorical questions that end up being famous quotes rather than acutal questions ? Well, answers are tried but in the end conclusions come up instead of solutions.One says life is unfair, the other says girls are stupid, the third says guys are male chauvanist pigs. Well to be true, every person on this planet has their different point of view. That is exactly why, the answers never end up colliding and forming something solid. Everything just floats in the air which is soon nothing but particles of nothingness. But being not what the person next to you is, That is what makes humans exciting, that is what makes humans fight, that is what makes humans different, that is what makes humans humans.

To understand this point of view of each and every person is what engulfs me the most and makes me have a better view of things in my own personal life. Giving me a better insight on how to deal with things and how to settle others too.

It gives me a chance to know myself.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Blue Moon

I had been waiting for this night for many weeks now. Crossing out the dates on the calendar as I woke up every morning, today was was the day I would be crossing out the last date. Looking out of my window, the sky couldn't have been any bluer and the cold couldn't have been more peaceful. I loved the winters, it was a season that would always bring out beautiful memories, be it long walks along the sea shore or sitting in parks as leaves rustled in the cool breeze. Today was such a day and I was hoping it would end up as the best of my memories. I have always had this thought in my head, when one thinks of the things that are to happen, they never end up as you expect. Well there are a lot of strange notions that I believe in so I guess this shouldn't really be given such importance.

But what was it about today that made me so cheerful ?

I had got so lost in my thoughts and my notions that I had forgotten all that was happening around me, only to realise that I was late for college. As I looked at my 'wardrobe' , I chose to wear the Red Hot Chilli Peppers tee, it always grabbed attention ( but i think my hair grabbed more) and my only wearable jeans. Skipping the breakfast like every morning, I hopped on to my bicycle and sped away to college. The ride on the bike got me lost again in my thoughts as I felt the morning chill sweep over my face.

It was her Birthday

Just thinking about it, made me smile involuntarily and produced that dimple on my cheek. As I screeched in front of the college steps, I remembered the first time I had seen her right on these steps, walking out of the main gates with a flower in her hair. I think it was the flower that caught my attention. I wont say it was falling in love at first sight, but it sure was falling at first sight as I clumsily stumbled on my own foot and fell to the ground right in front of her feet unintentionally.

That was when our eyes met for the first time.

And now 7 months have passed since that day and I still cant help but stumble when I see her.

I had told her to keep herself free for the night. I had planned a lil' something for her. She loved surprises but I guess I loved giving them even more. She always protested that I shouldn't give her a gift but she always ended up the happiest when I gave her one. Well, for her Birthday, I chose not to give her anything ( thanks to her continuous pleading). I could tell that through the entire day, she was expecting me to come up with something from under the table and blow her out of her mind. I chose to disappoint her but only for a brief while. As night fell, I told her to meet me outside the movie theater as we had planned to go for a movie that she really was in no mood of seeing.

I showed up late as always and she was pissed as always. But today she had that frustration right up to that cute nose of hers. Fuming, she walked towards the ticket counter just wanting this day to be over with as soon as possible but she stopped a few feet from the counter. She looked back and saw me grabbing her arm as I shook my head slowly and pointed to the horse driven carriage waiting for us. With a completely nonplussed look at her face I just escorted her into the carriage and told her not to ask any questions. Away from the noise and lights of the city, the road opened up to the green hills as the carriage slowly prodded on. The carriage stopped a few minutes later and we got down at the foot of a hill. Still holding the question mark on her face, she protested and wanted to know what was going on. Her uneasiness was quite visible but hidden in it was that happiness, knowing that she was in for another surprise.

I asked her clumsily " Ready for some trekking ?" Without even waiting for her reply, I took her by the arm and we started climbing the hill with our feet climbing over the lush green grass. As I climbed up the hill, I got lost in my mind again and remembered how I had come across this place as I was aimlessly cycling after college. At that very instant I knew that I had to come here again with her and had started crossing the dates on the calendar since then. The moon was full and ripe, like it had just dropped out of a tree. I looked at its shine illuminating the hill, the trees, my T-shirt and then I saw it shining on her face and then in her eyes. I was loving every moment of this night. As the two of us panted and reached the top of the hill, her hand was in mine and as cold as it was, she found comfort in the warmth of my hands ( my hands always stayed warm). We were looking down at a lake that lay right at the centre, surrounded by hills all around. The moon and all the stars in the sky were refelcted as wind blew ripples on its surface. It looked beautiful, untouched by man and just like it was when when Earth was formed. But something else lay there as well. On the shores were around a hundred candles lit and they all were put together in such a way that is spelt out.

"Happy Birthday"

Saturday, October 27, 2007


A lone hand reaches out in the darkness, only to find the cold winds striking it and leaving the fingers numb and bare. Where there was warmth and passion now lies only the deep dark void...I guess life has its ways of putting things into place even when you think they already are. Remembering that I would return when this heart would be content or broken and I keep that promise. Looking up into the dark void of space and looking at the stars twinkling, I feel as alone as the stars out there in space. With my feet firmly on Earth, I wish to fly away from here and maybe visit the lakes in Scotland or the Streets of New York. To get away from all the worries and issues and tensions, just do what I really want to do on Earth, Live. I may write again, I may not but I know that I will take that hand away from the cold and keep it in my pocket along with my change and my bubble gum. Maybe taking it out for the occassional hand-shake or to pull my pants up when they are sliding too low.Its better this way.

Monday, August 6, 2007


I could remember it like it was yesterday.

I had woken up by the inviting smell of bacon. Mama had never failed in rumbling my tummy every morning. She was glad that like every other mother, she didnt have to force me to get up by pushing me till I fell out of bed. I woke up everyday just to see her beautiful face and take full delight in gorging her food.

I loved Mama because she loved me

She was an artists highest selling piece of work, simple,serene and strong. Never did I see her show any signs of weakness and she would always face me with a smile. I couldnt have wished for a better mother.

There I was relishing my breakfast with complete enthusiasm, it had been a cold day. The mail man hadnt come that day as well. So much for the term "Neither hail, nor snow, nor whatever the rest was". Mina my younger sister had just come after her bath. The two of us would walk 6 miles everyday to school. My house was at the top of a hill and it was quite some distance from the main city. Papa, whose work started early in the day had left early today as well. Papa was a good man, he would always buy us toys and take us to the city on every weekend either to the fair or to the theatre. Mama and Papa loved the plays over there. Mina and I would always find something else to do at that time.

Kissing her goodbye, Mina and I began our walk to school. I can still remember the chill in my fingers, it had been a very cold day indeed. Mama had given me the sweater just in case.

Mama always cared...

As evening, drew, Mina and I had decided to have a race back home, partly because I just loved beating her and partly because I couldnt wait to get back home. My tummy was rumbling again.
Puffing,panting and laughing as I entered the house, I called out "Mama !" but there was no reply. I called to her again but I was answered only in silence. Mina had entered by now and she too kept on callin her name repeatedly. As odd as it may have felt, I knew that Mama was O.K. she had probably had some urgent work and had to leave. We settled ourselves and found something to eat. I was partly angry at Mama for leaving us like that without any food at all. Mina and I waited till 11 pm sitting at the family couch after which the two of us dozed off...

I remember dreaming of Mama, walking through the door of our house, picking us up and tucking us safely in the warmth of our beds. Not knowing that the next morning I would be greeted not by Mama but some men in suits

It was a beautiful dream.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Just my Luck

Good day all

Heres something that i have never done when it comes to writing down stuff. Boast.

To be frank I have always been a proud one and self obsessed like every virgo, not giving a damn about what I say or do or what effects it makes on others.

Now since I dont like showing these traits to people, I choose not to further disclose the skeletons in my closet.

Anyway, the reason why i have chosen to mention all this nonsense is for the pure fact to tell you all that I am the luckiest person on Earth. I really dont even feel right while writing this, because I have no idea what you all will make of this. But as an advise. Dont think about it.

Its something that i just wish to write and for the sake of keeping my blog alive, i wrote it here. Its nothing to appreciate or nothing to criticize its something that I have chosen to engrave on the stones of time.

So later, when maybe the days wont be as glorious as they are now, Ill look back at this and say to myself " Life wasnt always a bitch". Because for now, even though there is the case of influenza and the weird case of pain only in the right leg, i couldnt wish for anything else (A good hair texture would help although). I just feel happy for everything and anything around me and dont hope for anything else, for time will not listen to hopes and fears, it will tell...

Only time will tell...

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Wish I was here

Let me introduce you all to my family, I on the other hand, am the empty seat to the far right

All Apologies

The world has become a much smaller place now. With nothing much to do except drag the corpse from room to class and class to room. With catching the bus at the odd weekend and heading back to my refuge, my haven, my love. Aah love, it is but a very weird and yet fascinating thing. To believe in it is something that I found much harder than believeing in ghosts. It is there around us and yet we fail to see it, feel it and give it.

Rohit Bhat, a Koshur comrade had once told me, one can't write when he is in love and I dont know whether I have believed it or I have taken it as an excuse but either ways, love has been the cause for my turbulent pause. The violin shall play one day, maybe on my wedding or on my boy's first recital or on my funeral... it shall play.

The pen does not wish to write, it wishes to splatter its ink and paint the town red. I leave you at peace today and come back when this heart will be content or shall be broken but for now I am incomplete and so is my blog.

Goodnight and Godspeed

Tuesday, July 3, 2007


Things That I find Gay

1. People naming their non-living posessions ! (Sorry Roda ) lll

2. All Hindi Movies

3. The Colour PINK

4. Country Music !

5. Men wearing Bracelets

Best Things in life

1. Bubbles - My ipod

2. Sholay !

3. Rainbows

4. The Beatles !

5. Girls when they swear.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

The Violinist

The skies had been dark for more than a month, one had even forgotten what the sun looked or felt like. Its soothing and warm rays falling on the bare skin, giving it an eternal glow and its strong rays leading us from the cold and void darkness to light. The birds had stopped singing, the cool breeze had also stopped. Replacing these were the cries of innocents, begging for mercy and the explosions carrying their echoes throughout the land.

War was on.

It started as a misunderstanding of two arrogant minds but who ever really cared about the thoughts of two when there was blood of millions to spill. Books had been written, Songs had been sung, movies had been made, Oscars had been won. Today as I sit in this train on a journey which could possibly be my last, I drift away from the gruesome noise of the engine and back to the times when things were much peaceful.

Peaceful… Peaceful ?

I had never felt a pause for so long, the blank feeling was for a moment but it showed a pause that had been existing for centuries. Times never had been peaceful, there was always tension, always a feud, always a conspiracy. There was always a war on. Bursting my bubbles of thought, I looked at my broken watch clumsily and wondered what the time was. As I peered out through the grills of my bogey and craned my neck up to the sky, I estimated that it was time for my daily prayer. In the hours so close to death, we still don’t try to accept our fate, we always look for a savior to come and take us away from this madness.

With a silent Amen, I ended my prayer and let the silence empower me. Bound in these shackles, I wondered where this train was taking me to. I remember my neighbor,Milosh telling me once of these ‘camps’ where many were taken bound and gagged and made to work there like slaves. It is sad that he had to be shot at that very instant, I could have received more information on these ‘camps’.

I am not a father, a husband or a brother. I am a violinist. ‘Emily’ I call her and she is my only family. The two of us met in an old antique shop on Rue de Balzac where I had fallen in love the moment I set my sights on her. When I touched her with my bare hands and fiddled her with my stick, magic was at its best. The shopkeeper himself was amazed how well I handled her. It had been 15 years since that meeting and today I had been separated from her forever.

Lost in her thoughts I was so deep that I did not realise the train slowing down to a halt. As the door of the bogie opened, a German in uniform climbed in. As soon as he looked at me, he shouted out something in German and the next thing I know, I was facing the hollow end of the barrel of a rifle.

(to be continued...)

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

She, U and I

The sun was shining, the birds were singing and so was my heart. Paris was all around me and I was all around her. She stood by me with her hair open and was admiring the view from the top of the Eiffel tower as she exclaimed, “Isn’t that beautiful ?” And as I gazed into those beautiful, endless eyes of hers, I said “You’re the one who makes it so beautiful. You’re the cherry on the top, without which the ice-cream would be nothing.” On hearing this, her cheeks turn red as she blushes and falls into my arms as I embrace her with all my love, wanting to hold her forever.


Suddenly I was brought back to reality as my auto hits one of the infamous potholes of Delhi. I checked my watch and saw that I just had 5 minutes before the movie started, I implored the driver to risk his life for me and speed up a little. As he screeched in front of the complex, I took out my wallet in a hurry and handed him the money. I ran with the strength in my legs to the movie theatre with the police looking at me with suspicious eyes. On reaching, I found no one was there. Nobody to greet me or shout at me for being late. As I looked around for someone familiar, I recalled last night’s conversation and I was quite sure that I had heard, “ Meet me outside the movie theater at sharp 11”. As I checked the watch again, I saw that it was 5 minutes past 11 and still no company. “Well, there go the trailers” I said to myself, so I decided to do the obvious, wait.

As I looked at the crowd, I noticed the bubbly school children in their flocks, the cute couples whispering to each other and giggling, the cranky kids shedding their crocodiles’ tears wailing to buy a new toy (those were the days) and then there was the youth of today which the whole world was talking about and I was supposed to be one of them. I had looked at crowds like these everyday, scanning for a face, a face I would be elated to see, a face that stood out amongst all, a face that I could never figure out. And today was one of those rare days when I will be seeing that face once again. I think, because now it had been 15 minutes past 11 and there was still no sign of her.

Suddenly something caught hold of my attention. No, it wasn’t what I was expecting, but instead, it was a brawl that was taking place between some school kids, with fists flying and shirts tearing. I guess my movie had already started! But as soon as the fight started, it got over too and I was left staring at the crowd once again. I had begun to have my doubts when suddenly the wind blew, the crowd parted and there she was. There was the face that I had hoped I could run into everyday.

And finally after the long wait (it was totally worth it), she was here.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Hindi ki Bhindi mein Baarish ki Sifaarish

Dhoop ki garmi se mera tan hua behaal.

Jaane kitni der rahega yeh bura akaal.

Chahta hoon mein rahat is pasine se.

Aur nahin seh sakta main is mahine mein.

Tabhi main dekhta hoon asmaan ki ore.

Aur aata hai uske saath garajne ka shore.

Aakash ke neele mein badal kaale kaale.

Ghar se bahar nikle,saare mohalle waale.

Boondein choti choti, giri mere gaalon par.

Aur patte hilne lage paydon ki daalon par.

"Aayi baarish, aayi baarish" kehti meri saans.

Khushiyon ke rang laayi, bhujaayi meri pyaas.

Saturday, June 2, 2007


The lights kept going on and off... his world shook like an earthquake... screams were piercing his ears... pandemonium was all around him. His worst fears were coming to life.

He was in an airplane which unfortunately was going to crash.

He got up from his seat and searched for someone. Someone who could help him, somebody who could take him far away from this horrible place and put him somewhere safe; the sofa in his office, the grass on his porch, the bed , or even the toilet seat of his bathroom... Anywhere but here. His eyes fell on an air hostess, he approached her,grasped her tightly and asked her, " What is happening ? We are all going to die aren't we ?" In her monotone yet trembling voice, she replied "Sir, I advise you to sit down, the captain is going to get everything under control." He looked deep into her eyes and saw what he expected.


Fear of the fact that the pilots had no clue whatsoever and that they had all gathered their Bibles and started to pray. As he slowly let go of her arms, he suddenly started realising the obvious.

This is it. This is what the ends feel like. He had never wished for an end like this but he had no choice. It was God's way of saying...

"Life is unfair and so is death"

Whenever he used to watch the TV news and hear of airplane crashes, a chill would go down his spine and he would quietly pray for those poor souls but also pray that an end like this would never come to him. But in a few hours time, he too would be on the news, nothing more than a mere statistic.

His thoughts came back to present as he looked at the passenger sitting next to him. It was a girl of not more than 10 years with a little teddy grasped in her arms and a two colourful butterflies clipped onto her hair. Her head was held low and tiny drops could be seen sliding down from her eyes over her soft cheeks and falling into the grey carpet beneath her feet. She did not panic nor did she wail, she sat there quietly, as though accepting death in the best possible way, in silence.
As she lifted her head, knowing that she was being watched, she looked at this man who was staring at her for quite some time and asked " Are you okay mister ?".

The man was taken aback by such words coming from a child. He was thinking of helping the girl by saying something soothing but he failed to utter a word. Afterall, what could he have said ? And now, after hearing this girl, he couldn't do anything but silently nod looking into the girl's hazel eyes and shed a tear.

He cursed God for ruining such a beautiful creation of His own but at the same time, he believed that it was the love for this creation that made him ask for it back. He was happy that he was not alone and he had someone to be by his side in this journey that he was to embark on. Ignoring the screams and the shouts of the passengers, ignoring the wings of the plane that tore apart, ignoring the violent shaking of the entire aircraft, he held out his hand in front on the girl.

Noticing this gesture, she took her own and placed it in his. As she did so, a feeling of warmth spread from his hand to his arm and to his shoulders, to every part of his body till it finally reached his heart.

That is when he knew that this was heaven.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

And God Created ... this

In my life Ive been overwhelmed by the creature that is 'girl'

The one of the two inhabitants in this oh so beautiful world.

Wonderstruck by their beauty,charm and elegance

Disgusted by their ego, simian brain and ignorance

An unanswered universal question, my mind it haunts.

Every man's wish to know "What a woman wants".

I wanted an answer even if i had to dig the graves.

I wanted an answer even if i had to look in caves.

I did not read books or watch them on the Nat Geo.

Neither did I learn about their fav perfume or deo.

Talking to them proved to be my way of progress.

There had to be that one girl whom i could impress.

I tried the boy next door or the daring romantic.

My rudeness and sarcasm made them quite frantic.

I started at zero and ended at a negative number.

I wanted a ceaser salad but didnt even get a cucumber .

Ah ! Such is life and it will always remain this way.

I think it was a better option if i had just turned gay.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Moonlight Bay

A file to submit and a deadline to meet, the mind wishes to do everything except sit on that god damn chair and start to write... these 4 walls that i enclose myself in are suffocating me, i long for the sandy beaches, the starry skies and the crashing waves... it has been a year of living in this state and it feels like its been eons. Holding the pen in my hand, what i wouldnt do to replace it with the hand of my loved one, feeling the blood pump through her palm and threading my fingers with hers. It had been years since I had felt the touch of a girl...that irreplaceable feeling that makes ur hair stand and your heart race... all these feelings feel like those of a previous life.

The pen still lies there and i still have a deadline to meet. As the mosquitoes free themselves from their hiding and start making strategies in attacking me, i begin my daily routine of clapping exercises, " Another day, another murder"... I am one and they are in hundreds, first blood spills with a prick at the calf muscle, and retaliation occurs with clenching fists and vulgar curses, catching them, crushing them and reducing them to nothing but dust with my bare hands... Wondering how such a creation of God could turn into nothing but dust in a few seconds. But afterall ,thats what happens to us too... Tired with this game, I need to get out of this hell hole and get some coffee...

On reaching the canteen, I look at the sad and morose faces of all around me,its like they have been there forever and I am a messiah, here to save them from their doom... The coffee was unbearable, possibly the worst coffee I had ever tasted (I havnt had much coffee in life)... the burnt tongue and the bad taste ticking me off to such an extent that even a slap on the back would create all chaos. A stroll through this campus with the trees,under the dark sky in this hot night might cool me off... Walking down the road, I try to imagine myself in the hills, trekking to unknown locations with my walking stick and my dog, the wind in my blood and the mist all over my face, droplets forming at my lips and the cold yet comforting feeling captivating me... Those long walks always seemed to rejuvinate me and link my soul with nature. Its like we were one. And now, back in the plains, alone and distant from the magic of the mountians, as I look at the gates of college, my train of thoughts flags off... I suddenly rush back and in the dim light of my room. I suddenly dont mind the holding grasp of a pen as I begin to write...

Monday, May 7, 2007

LAZy Bones

Hello readers and cheerleaders !

All these years i always thought it was lazy bum, lazy bum and lazy bum and now after proclaiming myself the super duper intellect in english, i stil coulnt believe that it was lazy BONE ! okay anyway coming bak to life, i am way too lazy to even put up a blog or two, looks like sleeping is becoming the number one priority and ironically at the time when sleep has to be given the " Not now honey". Alas life is cruel, and i must succumb to the temptations as I head for my Siesta once more...Adios...

Thursday, April 26, 2007

I hate...

I hate the person who made this blog

I hate the frog living in bingle bog

I hate the IT Dept for blocking every site

I hate the heat of the summer night

I hate the canteen guy for his nasty looks.

I hate the geek who always reads books.

I hate the auto-driver for looting me

I hate all those who like saluting me

I hate the dusk, I hate the dawn

I hate all those addicted to porn.

I hate my subjects I hate them all

I hate the fact that I’m not tall.

I hate my hair that’s way too long

I hate to lose in ping – pong.

I hate the guy who bangs my door

I hate the bugs all over the floor.

I hate all these, I hate more too.

But most of all, I hate you.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Vodka Vodka Everywhere...

I know, I know I’m being a Late Latif but I was too lazy to write it all in one day and was too caught up in the moment to let go of it… But it’s finally done and I owe this to my seniors and My Friends… Kokil for asking me to write this, Harshal, Mayank Raina, Hakim and all the Mechanchis for making sure I didn’t go off to sleep on the road that night and last but definitely not the least, Maansi and Yajnika for staying in my brain and keeping me sane...

Here is the itinerary of the events that took place on the night of the 29th of March 2007.

8pm – Arrival at Silvers Noodle Bar

930 pm – Formal Intro

10pm – Party Finally Starts

1030pm – Booze Starts

1130 pm – Halfway between the Gutter and the Stars

Midnight – Snoring in the room of my hostel

Now I give you all that in a few more words…

Walking on the road to my hostel, my colleagues buzzed about like females discussing gossip. There was a nerve of excitement in every person as I passed them by, the same anxious and nervous look in their faces. It all made sense, it was ‘Fresher’ Season and we were the ones who were going to get our asses on fire on that fateful night. Well actually, we all had had a taste of things to come, being called at wee hours in the night to the seniors’ hostel for a ‘formal introduction’ made us quite familiar with our seniors and we were able to test ourselves to the limit, not realizing of all the hidden skills and feelings we had stored within ourselves for so many years… That being another story to tell, I come back to the present. I started asking myself, “What was so special in this fresher party?” I found answering myself “This is a MECHANICAL fresher, there are not going to be any girls around, instead there will be booze and loads of it”… The dams will break and the testosterone will flow like a river, and I shall be swept away with everything else…Before I had realized it, I was talking to myself again and now everyone was staring at me, wondering whether I had started drinking a little too early or not. I stopped talking thereon, and quietly crept into my room and fell into the comfort of my steel bed, the fresher was far away, in a distant land where elves rode on horses and little leprechauns danced along to “My Heart Will Go On”… Suddenly I was woken by a message on my primitive phone, it read, “Cn i brw ur tie fr d frshr?”. Making out the word ‘tie’ I got the idea, somehow the word had spread that I was the sole owner of a wardrobe of ties in our hostel.

I guess it was time for me to get ready. A quick shave, a borrowed coat and a spray of perfume, I was ready for a night out. Before this night, I had never been exposed to alcohol without the supervision of my parents. Tonight I had the liberty to drink what I want, when I want and with whom I want, I was in college… Life was good. But I chose to stick to the sober side tonight, I wanted this night to last as long as possible. Till today, I had gulped beer like a lost gambler in a bar, I had tasted wine like the rich and snobbish aristocrats of today and I had sipped on a Breezer like a 40 year old aunty who wanted to get ‘high’. Everyone had told me that I would love Vodka and that’s what my motive was tonight, to get a taste of that white, tasteless liquid. In my red and black color combination, I climbed into the ever so contrasting blue auto and told the driver, “ To our destiny !”, or in other words, “Silvers – Noodle Bar”.

We all had been given homework which had to be submitted tonight. The seniors had assigned each ‘fachcha’ a senior and we had to dig forgotten graves and storm dusty cupboards to find out as much as we can about them (Scandalous information was preferable). My senior was Saurabh Chopra and I had taken the help of my oh-so-loving full moon – Hakim, to get the formal details. I took the responsibility of adding the sugar and spice to the rest. Throughout my entire journey I went over my lines over and over again, making sure that I don’t mess up. Little did I know how much ‘messing up’ I was about to do.

As we arrived there, I was greeted by the seniors with handshakes and Welcomes, but rather than looking at the seniors and reciprocating with a smile which neither showed happiness nor sadness, I was gazing at the bouncer at the main door… He/It looked to be a mixed breed of some sort. If a question was ever asked, “What do you get if you cross a Gorilla with Simon Cowell’s wardrobe ?” This monstrosity standing in front of me would be the answer.

More greetings were followed inside the dimly lit basement where I noticed with utter surprise the attire of the people around me. Although we ‘first-years’ were dressed for the occasion, I was conspicuous about our seniors. I saw some of them in casuals but others followed and they were in bermudas, others in shorts and people even came in Kurtas and Pyjamas! But in the end I realized, what were we all dressed for? There aren’t going to be aunties pulling our cheeks, telling us how cute we looked or uncles commenting on how smart we look. Most importantly, there were no girls who will get a starry-eyed look on their faces seeing us in suit-boot. I felt like an ass.

The processions began finally after making everyone sit down like little children in kindergarten. First came the senior intros and we were made to sit in one dark corner while our seniors roared with laughter listening to the weird info that we all had come up with. The minutes passed by as each junior was called up and boredom was creeping on to me. My yawns were starting and I really wasn’t expecting this from such a hyped-about party. I must have really let out a loud one because the next name up was mine. Suddenly, the weariness and sleepiness disappeared into thin air, all eyes were on me now. I broke a sweat and my legs were shaking with the adrenalin. It was prep school all over again. I had been asked to stand up in front of the entire class and recite the alphabet. The same feelings ran through me back then as they were now. After I was finally done with …X,Y,Z, the teacher has asked me, “Oh dear, you did very well but what happened to P ?” I replied to her query by saying, “Its running down my pants ma’am”…

I was back in the basement, checking if I hadn’t wet myself yet… As I took the microphone from Mayank Raina, my mind was blank, I tried remembering my lines but to no avail… I started with what I had heard from Hakim, the usual member of _____ club, rides a _____, owns a ______. Soon and inevitably enough, the boos and hisses began. This was going nowhere. I thought to my self and decided that there was only one way out of this, switch over to the other side. My homo personality always got me out of a sticky situation and it was able to do so. Comments on his ‘assets’ and comparing them to mine turned out to be a riot. I decided to finally end it and so I topped it off with a song. I sang out “Hero” by Enrique Eglesias out to him from the bottom of my heart and turned clay into stone.

A sigh of relief and a monkey off my back, I could now enjoy the party peacefully. Once the intros were finally over, the atmosphere livened up, the dust rose from the walls and the lights were flashing everywhere, the music had had turned on and it was time to dance! I wasted no time in lazing around and I jumped on to the dance floor. Frankly speaking, I didn’t know squat about dancing, my way of dancing was to keep shaking and shaking, making weird movements till people start admiring it instead of ignoring it. I chose to do the same here. After all, we were mechanchis, we had no grace, we had no style, we had every reason to smile.

All that dancing had made me thirsty, I needed a drink. There was water, there was coke but I chose what I had come here for, Vodka. When it came to terms regarding alcohol, I was worse than an illiterate. I went up to the bartender and told him, “One glass vodka”. The bartender was confused, in two minds he wondered whether he should entertain my request or correct me. To save the day came my friend who told the bartender what to do. I ended up with a peg of vodka mixed with coke. Being cautious at first, I started taking sips from the glass. I looked like a 90 year old learning how to drink soup. I was here with my first glass and there were those who had lost count by now. One of them was Hakim who was flat by the time I had finished my glass. He was lead out by his mates and I never heard from him for the rest of the night. On finishing the glass, I still didn’t feel much, I could hear everything, talk sense and walk straight… I guess one glass wasn’t enough. I went up to the bartender to ask for the same but came through a friend who had had way too much for one night, he told me to have a drink with him. Looking at my nonplussed look he gave me the glass which contained only vodka without any coke. He shouted out “Bottoms Up !” and gulped down the liquid as if it were water. He was still looking at my glass, looked like he wanted mine as well. He told me to go on, and with my fingers crossed and eyes closed, I swallowed it. What followed was no less than a torture. The liquid inflamed my throat and I felt like I had just swallowed a bottle of Vicks Vapo Rub. It took me time to recover from the shock but I was surprised to know that I could still count the fingers on my hand. There was still more work to be done…

The trips to the bar increased and now I was even trying my hand at whiskey. I was still able to talk straight and walk a little straight. I was just waiting for the point when I would start talking gibberish and start cackling like a chicken. It didn’t take so long during the movies There was an instance when I went over to the bar, took a peg of vodka, asked the bartender to put some coke. I had no idea how much alcohol he had taken because he ended up filling my entire glass with vodka! But I wasn’t troubled, I drank it all down, draining it to the last drop. … The music went on and so did the dancing, holding a glass in one hand and a camera in the other, I went on a photo-shooting spree, clicking everyone and anyone that I could get in between my lens. The ruddy DJ couldn’t stop playing the Punjabi numbers which I was pretty sick by now and so decided to stop dancing and look for a person to accompany me to the bar. Harshal had finally noticed my state and decided it was high time I stopped for the night. He took me to one corner of the basement and forced me not to have anymore for the night. I on the other hand still felt that I wasn’t drunk and wanted to have more. On hearing this, his face turned stern and his eyes grew narrower “ I am going to call up Yajnika Ma’am and let her know what you have been up to.” Those words had done the magic. Hearing her name had suddenly brought me back to my senses, I couldn’t let her see me in such a state, she would give me such firing… I wanted to get all this alcohol out of me, I think my night was over. As Harshal dragged me into the toilet, he put my head next to the wall and kept on telling me, “Let it all out” and that’s exactly what I did. I let it all out…

Maybe it was an hour, may be it was 2, I had no idea. I was situated halfway between the gutter and the stars and I wanted to go home. I felt awfully horrible for whatever I had done, I kept apologizing to whomsoever I ran into, asking them for their forgiveness. They thought I was drunk, You thought I was drunk, I knew I wasn’t drunk. Mayank and Harshal took me to the parking lot and I waited for a car to take me home. Mayank handed me a lemon to suck on and while keeping that fruit between my teeth I just realized something. Food! I had forgotten all about the food, there was food waiting for me and I was out here eating lemons! But the thought soon flew away as I started to let it all out again. I needed to get to bed fast…

Sitting in Sarabha’s car with Saurabh Chopra here to save the day as my driver, I was al set to get back to my hostel. I was having trouble getting into the car as I couldn’t locate my left foot. Raina, who was helping me into the car, felt relieved I had been taken car of. Little did he know that I had one last hurl to make. Since I couldn’t dirty Sarabha’s car, I decided to face outside, not realizing that it wasn’t the ground that I was facing but Raina’s shirt instead. Before I or Raina could realize what had happened, the car sped off into the night. Vinayak had left the building…

At the gates of the hostel stood my well-wishers all ready to drag me to my room and put me off to sleep. As they carried me, they told me that I was the 2nd person to come back. The first one being my very own neighbor. The moment I entered my room, I dropped into the warmth of my steel bed and was asleep even before anyone could bid me goodnight.

In a matter of 4 hours, I had undergone a roller-coaster that would be remembered for the rest of my life. One would say that I had turned from a boy into a man in these 4 hours. Others would say that I have committed a sin in these 4 hours.

I feel that I just lived out 4 hours of life.


Sunday, April 8, 2007


Through the curtains came the golden rays and formed a column above my eyes.
The dreams were over and so were the nightmares, it was the time for me to rise.

It was an early summer’s day and my exams were about to begin the next early summer’s day. I got up with a mind to do everything that I had planned out, but first a routine check on Orkut to see if my scraps or number of fans has increased or not. While I was there I thought I should make hay while the sun shone and decided to put a Beatles album for download as well. It had been months since I had seen a Sunday morning, Sundays always began with an afternoon nowadays, wondering what had been for breakfast although knowing it would be the same, stale paranthas that would make even the ones at a jail look sumptuous. It never changed. How I envy those criminals, they get to loot banks, ransack houses, kill people and have good food ! The world truly is a cruel place. With no scraps to write and no more friends to make, I put to play "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd. My laptop has a unique tendency of hiccoughing every time a song is put to play, something that would make anyone grit his teeth in anger. As for me, chucking the laptop was never an initiative, I thought selling the laptop as a time machine in a village would be a good option. But I was now used to it and I let the melody dig its way through the wax and into my eardrums. Singing along to Roger Water’s melancholy strain, I always mistook "Blue Skies from Pain" with "Blue Skies from Grey". I believed that Grey would have been a better word.

It was still two hours to go for lunch and I had to make every second count, I propped open my Notebook and put out my hand to fetch my textbook when it struck me that my book wasn’t there. This was a very common sight in the hostel, missing something and then testing the levels of your memory in trying to figure out who had taken it and when. So I went in search of the book all over the hostel, never aware of the fact that it was lying peacefully in my neighbor’s room, crackling its pages away in the sands of time.

All that searching made me hungry, it was still half an hour to go for lunch. I opened up the laptop again and did something that proved to be the biggest and effective time killer. I began to chat. It didn’t matter whether I was chatting with the guy in the next room or a cousin whose name I had forgotten, I needed to kill time and this was going to be my weapon. And so began the usual, " Wasups and How u doins". Before I knew it, Lunch time was here and then began the " Gtgs and Tcs"… Three dots, that was how short the communication gap had come to. My download was almost complete and decided to listen to a song or two before going down for my ‘feast’. My eyes grew wide as the window showed "99%" completed, and then the unthinkable (actually quite predictable) happened, as if happening in slow motion, the tube light flickered once, twice and then flickered no more. The fan lost its momentum slowly and steadily came to a halt and then as I looked at the tiny computer in my screen, there suddenly came a red cross on it. The message was clear, I was doomed. Consequently, my download went Phoof ! God had stabbed me in the back with a Swiss Army Knife and there was nothing I could do. God wasn’t much of a Beatles lover, I should’ve known. With a disgusted face I left my room in a fury, hoping against hope that the food might cheer me up.

Fifteen minutes hadn’t passed and I was back in my room. Sometimes, when a person is eating, the taste seems to remind him of something that tasted or smelt quite like what he was eating right now. It was one of those times and my food reminded me of only one thing, Dried Glue. What was worse, the aftereffects of eating that sloppy sewage serving were still happening as I sat in my room, reminding me of my toddler days when I used to play a lot with glue during my art and craft class and eventually end up in a ‘sticky’ situation. How could my life have become like this? There were times I remember,in a previous life, maybe when I used to come to the kitchen where my mother would be cooking and imitate hurling all over the dish when I used to have a look at it. My mother would say, "There are millions of children like you who are hungry and would do anything to have food like this" and my usual reply would be, "So, why don’t you go and give this to them?" Now when I think about it, I feel I have become one of those children, wishing for somebody’s mother to come through that door of mine and feed me till I burst.

My exam was still going to be held tomorrow but I was still in no mood to study. Choosing not to fight my urges, I picked up a book I had borrowed only yesterday, the entire collection of Ruskin Bond. As I began to read the first short story, which was "Woman on Platform No.8", I was again sent back to my school days when this chapter was included in our English course. Back then I used to read it to remember every point and every line in it. But now, I was reading it out of pure pleasure, and somehow this time, it was pleasing. Soon i forgot the tomorrow's exam, i forgot the The Beatles, I forgot the Glue-like lunch, it was only the book and I. I don't know what it was in that book, but somehow, it struck my heart and I got that feeling which I hadn't had for quite some time. It had been years since I had cried.

Tears formed at the corners of my eyes and I began to weep.
The day was over and so was my life, all I wanted, was to sleep.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007


Darkness was all around, a ghostly silence reigned in the skies. It was the calm before the storm, and the stars were all blinded, crickets chirped all around the forest, they seemed very excited, something was not right. Suddenly came a flash in the sky, and moments later came the thunder. It had begun. The winds picked up motion and the drops started falling, the leaves started to rustle wildly. The thunder continued and the rain picked up. The tempest had broken. All hell had broken loose and it just kept getting darker by the passing hour. The night seemed to be endless. From the depths of the forest came a bone chilling howl, the wolves were hungry, nature was making a horror movie. But something else was hungry as well. Something was lurking in the shadows, hiding in caves and holes, coming out in the night to satisfy its belly. Looked like today’s special was going to be K-9 Kajun. The monstrosity had come out into the open, it had smelt blood. The wolf sensed danger too and ran for safety, having the least idea that it was too late to run for cover, his fate had been sealed, he was going to end up at the plate, face up or face down was all that mattered. The creature sighted the wolf and it looked that it was going to devour it in one gulp. It made its move and leaped over its prey. The wolf, was now looking at the last thing it would ever see, the blood-curdling green eyes of his devourer. The rest was all darkness...


The flickering tube light brought him back to reality, the power had returned after a gap of 8 hours. As his eyes slowly opened, he disturbed the pools of sweat that had been formed and wiped his face with his sleeve and got up from the board. It had been 3 weeks since he had felt the feathery touch of a pillow. With his mouth parched and throat dry, he hopelessly searched for any source of water, he forgot what water tasted like. As he scratched his unshaven beard, he dragged himself out of the room and to the toilet. The smell of ammonia and waste flooded his nostrils but he didn’t show any signs of disgust. He was immune now. This was his aroma, his essence, his odor. To give him company, came his roommates, they had met on the first day, and despite their differences and fights, he learnt to live with them. They never used to bother him much but always got on his nerves whenever they tried to steal the food that he had managed to accumulate. Dwelling in the toilet bowls and hovering around the light bulbs, they came to his feet and head as he stomped on a few and fisted some more. He walked to the urinal and began to do his job, his thoughts of water were flowing into the drain and so was his life.

Glancing at the window, the evening sky was a deep red, birds were flying into the nests as the last rays of the sun faded into the night. He always hated dusk, it always created a sense of sorrow in him and he would even cry at times. But today, he did not care, he was now free, free from debts, free from the income tax, free from his loved ones, free from sorrow. He was free and yet he was not happy. As he walked out of that hell hole, his thoughts diverted to food. The bread in his pocket had been there for 2 days now, saving it for the ‘right’ time, and yet he felt now wasn’t it yet. His body was weak and frail, his hair had grown to his shoulders. He laughed to himself, thinking that the last time he grew hair this long was during his days at college. How he would imitate being a rock star with shining cars, blazing guitars and pools of money to swim in. The nostalgia crept back to him and the tears began to form at the corners of his eye. He wondered where the water for his tears came from. He was never like this, he had been happy once, he was fat, with a wife, with kids, a house and even a dog. He had everything that a man could wish for, everything except enough. Greed is what took over him, he wanted nothing else but more. It became his food, his sleep, his love and his life. Misfortune was never far from him and one day it rained down on him. The tumultuous downpour stripped him off everything he ever had, even his self dignity. The rain did stop but the clouds never parted, leaving him begging in his tracks and today, begging on the roadsides.

He walked to the balcony and looked at the world beneath his feet, he was on the top one day and today he was well below rock-bottom. As the sun finally set, the entire sky flooded with the noises from blaring loudspeaker of the nearby mosque. The evening prayers had started and he by his religion, was to sit for his prayers as well. But he chose to stay still, he chose to stand and not utter a single word in the name of God. All his life, he had prayed and prayed, but what was it all for? Where was God when his cheques bounced and his company faced losses? Where was he when he found out that his wife had betrayed him and departed with his kids without a note, a letter or even a phone call. He had prayed through these times, pleading for mercy and sympathy but all he got was silence. His vision was now blurred with the tears, he couldn’t control it anymore. He ripped open his shirt and screamed out curses to God and to life, at first people looked at this hobo with surprise and disgust and sometimes even pity. He screamed and screamed till no one noticed him anymore. His throat was now completely exhausted, he was still waiting for that glass of water. His wait lasted for a few minutes, he walked into his room,took his begging bowl in his hands and walked out into the open.

This was what happened everyday with him, he could have given up on life long back, but he chose to wait, wait for his glass of water and wait for God to put a hand on his shoulder and lead him into the light...

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Living Life Grand

As I stood in front of my house in Delhi, I ran through the points for the last time.
“This isn’t college anymore, which means, no watching late night TV, no long talks on the phone and especially, no more junk food. For the next few days you are going to live in the house of the people who have seen you take your first steps, have dropped you to school everyday, have fought with you for watching the news channel instead of cartoons, in other words, they have watched your every move.

Who are they? They are your grand parents.”

Let me start off with my Grand Dad, A civil engineer by profession and a Punjabi by nature, this ‘lad’ from Amritsar loves fish, long walks in the park and Rekha as Umrao Jaan! When asked about an ideal career, he says, “There are two types of people in this world, one who is an engineer and one who is not an engineer.” So you can guess how I ended up here. His day starts off with waking up at 5 o clock in the morning to go for his early morning walks. We really admire his will to stay fit at this age and would love for him to keep it up except for the fact that he takes us along with him as well! When night falls, at sharp 9 pm, he literally locks all the doors and windows of the house leaving no stone unturned. So while thieves are trying to break into my house, I’m trying to break out of it! Since thieves are unable to break into my house, they have their way of compensating. As a result, I’ve had 3 of my cars, 2 of my cycles and one flower pot stolen. Now, there are certain rules my Grand Dad has imposed that are to be followed :

Nobody is supposed to leave the room with a light, fan or TV ON or else he/she will be charged Re. 1 ( He would even turn the refrigerator off if he thought it was running for too long)
One must take a bath with only half a bucket of water. ( If he had his way, he would change it to a single mug)
No salt should be put in his food. ( It ends up not being in anybody’s food)
One cannot talk on the phone for more than 3 minutes. ( He was ready to remove the phone connection as he thought he had no need for it)

A notable feature about my Grand Dad is that he doesn’t hesitate cursing in public, be it on the carpenter, the painter, the plumber, the electrician or even the President. If it hadn’t been for him, I would never have improved my vocabulary. Arguing with him is something that I always try to avoid, because winning an argument against him is like hoping for pigs to fly. So whenever he has a point to make or a statement to state, I just nod along, pretending to understand and agree with every word he has to say. A few days back, I had taken up the task to teach him how to use a mobile phone. After a month of training and losing half of the hair on my head, I learnt that you cant teach an old man new tricks and my Grand Dad learnt that life isn’t as easy as it used to be.

Then comes my Grand Mother. When one thinks about a Grand Mother, you usually have the image of a sweet old woman, sitting on her rocking chair, knitting sweaters for God knows whom. Well get that image out of your head because it’s nothing like that. I call my Grand Mother the female version of ‘Rambo’ with a duster in one hand and a rolling pin in the other. She has a strong belief that home-cooked food is the best and everything else is garbage. So going out for dinner is a complete no-no in this house. Never comes a day when there isn’t a fight between my Grand Mother and the servant. The worst mistake one can make is interfere between her quarrels because then you end up being shouted at. I wonder how my Grand Dad lived through all this for so many years. No wonder he likes taking walks so much ! And so I follow his footsteps literally and head out into the Sun while the storm gathers at home. The only time my Grand Mother leaves the house is when she has to go for her monthly Kitty Parties. It is the happiest day of the month, while she is off having fun with her ‘janaani’ friends discussing who is going to die in the next episode of Saas Bahu serial, the servant can sit at home and watch TV all day long, Grand Dad can read the newspaper peacefully at home and I can finally order food from outside.

This is a little about my Grandparents in a nutshell. Living with them is an adventure everyday and although sometimes I wish they were a little different, but I love them the way they are. Now I know why they are called ‘Grand’ Parents. God Bless them